Sibling Rivalry

Posted on October 6, 2009
Filed Under Words, words, words | By Ashley Singh

tree2.gifWith my sister away, I’ve noticed changes in myself, my family, and how I interact with everyone else around me. I have never noticed my interaction with the people around me before she moved away more than I have now. As some of you out there can attest, living with four other people is just tough. Let me give you a little background on my family life.

In my house, food is first-come, first-serve. If you want the biggest piece of chicken, you better make sure you’re hanging around the kitchen when Mom says, “food is ready!” and the hawks descend. Hot water goes fast, so getting your shower in quickly is important; if you don’t, you’ll be showering in cold water. Also, in my house, respect and trust is earned by the children and automatically demanded by the adults. My mother’s side of the family is Haitian, and whenever the family would get together at my grandmother’s house during Christmas and Thanksgiving, the women would sit in the kitchen and speak French, and whenever my cousins and I would come into the kitchen, they just stopped talking until we left and shut the door behind us, even though we didn’t know French—to this day, I have no idea what they talked about in the kitchen.

I am the middle of three children in a family of five. I have an older brother and a younger sister. In doing research for this week’s blog, I found out that “first-borns are natural-born leaders who are typically aggressive and are model children who have a strong need of approval from those in charge.” This is pretty much my brother. We have our moments when we fight like cats and dogs and then we have our rare moments when we get along, but we are polar opposites. He’s rap and I’m country; he’s book smart and I’m common sense and logic; I scream and cry and he’s steadfast, headstrong, calm, cool, and collected. He was always the sibling who got A’s on report cards, Dean’s List every semester of college, always in the spotlight while I was the stagehand.

My sister is the youngest, the Baby of the family. I remember when I used to carry her around under one arm and we used to make her fly, calling her Super Baby. We used to play Barbie Dream House and Pretty Pretty Princess. She was always the troublemaker. I remember we used to send her to ask our parents for stuff and blamed her when we melted crayons on the heater and Frisbees on lamps just to see if it would make them glow brighter in the dark. She’s the most spoiled out of the three of us, always getting what she wants. She is alternative. She loves Green Day, Nelly Furtado, Helena, black eyeliner and nailpolish to boot. She and I are always fighting, but now that she’s not living here for now, we’re getting along better. We’re talking about life and boys and makeup, which is an entirely new experience in itself. I even found myself thinking, how come we never talked like this before?

I am the middle child. I have all the issues and in my research, I found this quote:

These kids are the most difficult to pin down. They are guaranteed to be opposite of their older sibling, but that difference can manifest in a variety of ways. Middle children often feel like their older brother gets all the glory while their younger sister escapes all discipline. Because the middle child feels that the world pays him less attention, he tends to be secretive; he does not openly share his thoughts or feelings. Middle children may not feel they have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation, they are independent and inventive. If a firstborn is a company’s CEO, the middle child is the entrepreneur.

I feel like this guy has read my mind! Psychologists have said that middle children have all the issues, and isn’t that the truth? I’m going to be very honest with you and say that I’m messy. I don’t have it all together, nor do I have all the answers. I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me. I have issues. At two points in high school, I was in my brother’s shadow my freshman and sophomore years, and stealing my sister’s limelight my junior and senior years. I think the reason why I’m trying so hard in college is to live up to my brother’s brain and the reason why I’m talking to my sister now more than I ever did is to let her light shine. For better or worse, they’re the voices in my head that I’ll never drown out, forcing me to do better and to be better and something tells me that’s a really good thing.

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